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It's the way that you say it
Research has found that the
way you express your feelings is very important.
Couples who manage to avoid saying every critical thought
(and who can bring up problems gently) are consistently
the happiest.
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When there are potential disagreements, you're more likely to
see eye to eye if you bite your lip and don't go on the attack.
At the other end of the scale, people who are anxious and bottle
up their feelings can end up feeling resentful - and the 'last
straw' leads them to explode anyway.
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“I wish she'd say when she isn't happy
so I could do something. I think things are alright and
then whoosh she explodes… then it's a million things
that she has been saving up to cover me in. And though she
might have a point I'm not going to say that am I?”
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Are some people just better at communicating?
Some people are naturally better at communicating than others;
some just seem to be able to keep quiet and listen to other people.
And of course, people from different cultures and backgrounds
have different ways of communicating with each other. If you came
from a family where you had to shout to be heard, this may be
how you communicate: you may feel that if you don't continually
push your point of view (at the expense of someone else's) you're
not going to be heard.
Communication lets you find out about yourselves and to balance
what each of you wants.
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“The first time Sol visited my family
he was really shocked and so was I when he told me later…
as soon as we arrived my mum and dad started arguing about
the meat… was it cooked enough. I thought it was funny,
so typical of them. Sol told me later he felt really awkward…
His parents don't shout like that, don't argue at all really,
so I see now why he was shocked.”
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