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The importance of listening
Communicating well
isn't just about talking, but listening - really trying
to hear what the other person is saying. Communication is a continuous
process of taking time to hear each other. So, you're less likely
to try and 'mindread' each other and jump to wrong conclusions,
and more likely to be able to offer each other support.
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“He talks about this new job. It is
quite a stress, especially his new boss. I don’t really
get all the detail but I get what he’s saying…
it’s not making him feel good about himself and he
wants me to know that.”
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How it works
Simon noticed a pattern in the arguments he and Jenny used to
have before he went away on business. It took some time for him
to work out why. As they discussed things and began to listen
more to each other, he realised that because Jenny's father had
left home when she was a child, knowing that Simon was going brought
back childhood fears, making her feel insecure and clingy. So
Simon made an effort to be particularly loving and reassuring
before his trips away, and Jenny gradually stopped picking arguments
as she felt more understood and secure.
Couples often express their closeness through talking, being open
about what's going on in their lives and about what matters to
them. But even the
closest couples may find there are some worries that are hard
to share with their partner.
If you have a partner who communicates well, you might learn
from them. Sometimes both of you need to discover new ways of
understanding each other better. Try the quiz - 50
things about your partner - it might get you thinking and
talking.
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“Sarah was keen to have a baby and
I was happy to go along with her… When nothing happened
we were checked out and found it was my problem - low sperm
count. I found that hard to take. It was probably the only
time I couldn't really talk to Sarah. I was devastated myself,
but I also felt guilty - that I was letting her down. I
was very moody, which must have been hard for her. I was
lucky to have good mates who helped me to shape up.”
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