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Changes to other relationships
Having a baby changes
your relationships with other people, both family and friends.
Parents and in-laws
Many find they develop a stronger bond with their own parents
and the in-laws as they rely on their support and enjoy a shared
interest in the baby. But it isn't all plain sailing. There are
often difficulties with partners' families - mothers who won't
'let go' of their son or daughter, or interfere with the couple's
way of doing things. Some couples struggle with interference or
criticism from their parents, and already difficult relationships
may become worse.
Some partners want to go back to traditions and ways of doing
things that they were brought up with, leading to a 'your family'
and 'my family' competition.
"I don't know a thing about babies and I hate
it when she [mother] says this is how you do so and so… I
don't want her to do that to me, I want to make my own decisions.
I find her a bit domineering and difficult to say no to. She thinks
she's being really helpful."
New parenthood can stir up past childhood experiences
and feelings and it may also evoke past memories of parenting
in the new grandparents.
If you have difficulties with parents, it's often best to discuss
them first with your partner and work out what you're going to
say to them as a united front. Try not to let your in-laws or
parents create more difficulties in your relationship with your
partner.
Relationships with friends
"I'm now a parent, not a young, single, going-out-in-the-evening
sort of person - I feel completely different to the other people
at work, without children - totally different issues you think
about, and I think, 'That's it, I'm really a grown-up now! There's
no getting away from it, I can't pretend to be 'just out of college'
now!"
It can be difficult to keep up with 'pre-baby' friends. They
have different schedules and may not understand the demands on
your time or your non-involvement in social activities, especially
in the early days. But having a baby gives you opportunities to
make new friends in the same situation as you - and you can be
a great source of advice and support to each other.
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