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Lack of sleep... and sex
Lack of sleep can make mountains out of molehills and
major difficulties seem impossible to resolve. It makes
couples permanently tired - so it's easy to react badly
to each other or the baby. You may feel drained and physically
ill, which makes you feel vulnerable and emotional.
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Try to get as much rest as you can - the housework can wait. Or
ask your partner, family or friend to help.
Many couples find their sex lives disrupted: she may feel too
tired, not sexy, and not interested. Some women feel unattractive,
still feel sore or are afraid of pain. So partners feel rejected
and isolated. Men can also feel differently after childbirth:
they may worry about their partner's physical and emotional changes,
or be frightened of hurting them. They may worry about another
pregnancy and the increased responsibilities that go with it.
Breast feeding can also have an impact and
is usually very tiring - women may feel their breasts belong to
baby. Breastfeeding can produce temporary physical changes in
lubrication that can make sex painful. Men vary in their reaction
to breast feeding, some are comfortable with it, others aren't.
Although it can take time for both partners to become interested
in sex again, opportunities are often limited by disturbed nights,
crying babies, or the baby being in your bed. Both partners may
secretly worry that things "will always be like this"
and that they never will get back to how it was.
Talking helps. Talk
honestly about feelings and make time to give each other a bit
of support, and express positive feelings for one another.
If each partner understands that this is only temporary, it will
be easier to cope with.
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"In the early weeks I was so very tired
when I was breastfeeding… every three hours… sometimes
I felt angry when the baby woke me up at night… I used
to take it out on my partner."
"Well there's this sexual thing at the
moment… we don't exactly have rows but I just don't
feel in charge of my body any more, it belongs to everybody
else. They all want to use it in their own ways… I
just want to go to bed and sleep because I don't know when
I'm going to have to get up, and how many times."
"The change in our sex life is dramatic…
I'm just not interested anymore. I'm tired, I want space
around, it's the last thing on my mind. I'm worried there's
a danger of it becoming a pattern. I think he's finding
it quite hard but we've talked about it, sometimes argued,
but it seems alright."
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