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The 'baby blues'
Emotional, irritable, anxious and moody?
Bursting into tears for no apparent reason? These are all
symptoms of feeling low, which is how many women feel after
a baby. The
'baby blues" is a very common reaction a few
days after the birth, as the hormonal and chemical changes
in a woman's body usually peak four or five days later.
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But many mothers don't feel better as the days go by. They can
still feel low for many months. They find it difficult to sleep
or concentrate. They may lose interest in everything and even
find it difficult to feel good about their baby. Not surprising:
having a baby is
usually the single greatest transition in a woman's life.
It's more difficult when other people assume that "these
should be the happiest days of your life". Some mothers may
feel guilty about feeling down, tired or irritable. Many others
feel the same, but tend to put on a brave face and struggle on.
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"I couldn't cope with constantly being
on demand for him, 24 hours a day. It wasn't the physical
effort, it was the mental strain. I wanted him to fit in
with me, rather than me fit in with him."
" One day I will wake up and feel awful
and the day goes awful and I shout at my partner more than
I normally do and I find myself very aggressive and pent
up and full of anger and I don't know what at… but
another day I wake up feeling absolutely fine."
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Men can suffer too
Fathers
as well as mothers can find things difficult.
Men can experience a variety of symptoms, such as feeling
unhappy, stressed, worried, suffering sleeplessness and
loss of interest in sex. They may also worry about their
role - they are expected to be providers and continue to
work but many also want to help at home.
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"I wanted to be with the baby…
I lost interest in work. But I kept going and was just burned
out … I was at the end of my tether… it was a
torment… horrible, the worst year really."
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The impact on partners - Is it me? Is it the relationship?
When one partner is feeling low, this will affect the other. He
may feel a sense of 'loss' of the woman he once knew and worry
that it may be permanent. Similarly, she may find it difficult
to understand why her partner is feeling so low and be frustrated
that he is not there emotionally to support her, when she needs
it most. These difficulties can be made worse when the partner
feels that the problems are to do with them or the relationship
rather than the situation.
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"…all Paul has to do is to come
in and say the wrong thing and I start fighting myself and
fighting him and I just feel so pent up. One night Paul is
coming home to a wife who is alright, full of beans and another
night he comes home and I'm walking around screaming and crying
my eyes out." |
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"He thought I was unhappy with him,
and I thought I wasn't happy with him, and this made him
unhappy with me, so it put a terrible strain on us both.
Both of us thought it was a problem with our relationship,
rather than what I was feeling."
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