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Working out a parenting partnership
There may well be differences between you over how to
handle the baby - Pick her up or leave her? Feed on demand
or four hourly? Should you follow your parents' methods,
and if so, whose parents? Mums may feel they know best because
they spend more time with the baby and know the baby better,
others won't let their partner help because he 'doesn't
do it my way'. And some mothers simply want reassurance
from their partner.
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"My husband is helping me around the home,
apart from the washing up, he hates that. But he's very good,
always has been ever since I had her. Before that, no. He was
abominable... things changed quite a lot, I changed quite a lot."
Questioning your partner's handling of the baby can make them
feel undermined and unsupported. It's better to talk through any
differences in opinion calmly - criticism, on either side, will
only make things worse.
"It's much harder now, it's shown up the weaknesses
in our relationship. We've had to work harder at sorting things
out. I think because we've both been tense we've ended up having
more arguments over silly little things."
"Communication is so important. Someone new
comes into your life and you have to reassess your relationship.
You need to talk to each other about these tensions before they
take hold."
The important thing is to work out together what you think is
best for your children.
New parents often find it difficult to find time to talk but also
to know what to say. They may bottle up their feelings or become
more argumentative due to tiredness and irritability, making mountains
out of molehills. It can feel like they're on different sides,
and they start to feel hurt and resentful.
The next section, 'How
you can help your relationship', gives tips on how to keep
the lines of communication open between you.
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